Loving Ourselves to Love Others

Kandy Cassano Bernskoetter, Sigma (U of California at Berkeley), Rituals, Traditions, and Jewelry Committee

“Love is not something we give or get; it is something that we nurture and grow, a connection that can only be cultivated between two people when it exists within each one of them–we can only love others as much as we love ourselves.” – Brené Brown

Ah, February, when thoughts of love and romance fill the air. The purpose of Valentine’s Day is to celebrate love, affection, and friendship. Many of us attend Galentine’s events, have dinner with a special someone, and send heart-adorned cards. But I think this year, I will try something new: practicing self-love.

Many of us are familiar with self-care, which involves taking time for ourselves, eating healthy foods, relieving stress, and more. Self-care includes any activities you engage in to maintain your mental, emotional, physical, social, and spiritual well-being.

But what is self-love? Researchers define self-love as an attitude of kindness towards oneself that includes self-contact (paying attention to oneself), self-acceptance, and self-care. It is a concept in positive psychology that promotes well-being. As an intangible experience, its definition varies in the literature, but it is generally viewed as a multidimensional state that balances attention to oneself with kindness, acceptance, support, and nurturance. Do any of these terms sound familiar?

In simple terms, self-love refers to the love directed towards oneself. A study published in Frontiers in Psychology indicates that self-love consists of five components:
• Self-cherishing. Understanding that your needs and values are important.
• Self-acceptance. The act of being okay with yourself, forgiving yourself, and challenging negative beliefs.
• Self-restraint. Be aware of impulses, emotions, and desires and find balance with what is right and best for yourself.
• Self-responsibility. Be accountable for your actions, decisions, and thoughts without placing blame on others.
• Self-persistence. Remain committed to a goal and keep working towards it, even with challenges. I also think of this as grit.

The authors explain that these components manifest in your life across four dimensions: the self, family, others, and society. In other words, self-love influences more than just you; it affects how you engage with the world around you.

I challenge you to practice loving yourself so you can love others. You can’t give people what you don’t have; you must find self-love so you can share your love with others.

You may contact the Rituals, Traditions, and Jewelry Committee (RT&J) about anything Ritual-related at RT&J@alphaomicronpi.org